I'm writing about Ben. We're in our twenties and both work in Makati. In fact, we used to be officemates. I've known him for almost two years and all the time, I've been in love with him, although we are just friends and he has a girlfriend he intends to marry.
Joe, I can't help falling in love with him. He's perfect; responsible, intelligent, resourceful, thoughful, loving, sweet,caring, upright, kind, family-oriented and God-fearing individual.His good looks is just an added bonus. I can't believe such a man still exists today and I will forever be thankful for his friendship. It pains me to be soo in-love with him because he and his girlfriend are perfect for each other and are so happy being together. I don't know if he's aware of my feelings for him. But winning his heart, I think, is out of the question.
His girlfriend is too precious for him. Losing her would truly hurt him, and I don't want to see him in pain. I know, however, that a part of me wishes he would reciprocate my love. But he's just too good for me. He deserves someone better, like the girl he has now. Knowing he's happy with her is enough consolation for me. I want this happiness even if it would mean my own despair. Goodness knows how much I'm suffering. Writing this letter alone is already torture. I've been trying very hard to forget him. I've done ways I know to free myself. Pero ang kulit talaga ng puso ko, ayaw sumunod.
Joe, I haven't seen or talked with him for a long time and I thought this absence would somehow cool down the feeling, but it hasn't. I don't want to miss him, but I do miss him terribly. How can I forget him? Whenever I see a place, a thing or a situation, my mind automatically associates it with him. His memories occupy most of my waking and sleeping hours. His face pops into my mind in the middle of my lunch, when I'm talking with my friends, cleaning our house or just doing something which has nothing to remind me of him. Odd, but true.
I'm not bitter Joe, I don't blame myself, him nor God for this situation. As a matter of fact, I'm thankful, painfully odd as it is, this situation has made me the mature person I am now. But I can't help asking myself why should a woman, or a man for that matter, fall for another when they are not meant for each other? Why Joe? Why?
You know Joe, whenever I pray, I always ask God to help me let go of this love. I just want to feel the same way he feels for me - as a friend and nothing more. I know I can get through this because I believe that God wouldn't give me something He knows I couldn't handle. Someday I would be able to smile again without being hurt when I remember him. God has His reason for all of these and until I know the reasons, I want to hear words from you. Please Joe, help me.
Sincerely,
Robert
P.S. Attached is my picture.
~~~
Dear Robert,
Lintek kang bakla ka pinagod mo pa ako sa pagbasa ng letter mo malandi. Tigilan mo na ang ilusyon mo, hindi mo kayang ibigay kay Ben ang kayang ibigay ng girlfriend niya. Sa susunod na sumulat ka pa sa akin ay papatayin kita!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Joe D'Mango
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